Dear Friends,
Last night, I
kept waking from a dream that everything in the world had changed; no visiting
with family and friends, no phone calls, no mail delivery, just sterility and
isolation. As I pawed through the
meaning, I remembered that Buddy was no longer with us and nothing would ever
be quite the same.
Especially
during these past nine months, when much of my world has been defined by our
house, Buddy has been my most constant companion, preferring to keep me within
his line of sight at all times, only resting when he could be within a few feet
of my body. Except when he was in
the backyard, taking care of business or eating deer poop and compost, being
home meant being with Buddy. (Ed
never was able to build a compost fence that he could access but Buddy could
not.)
Yesterday I kept
my promise to Buddy and myself; that if he was ever clearly suffering I would
not ask him to linger any longer than it took to make sure his condition was
irreversible. After weeks of an incurable cough, it was clear that he had gone from being a 12-year-old puppy to being
in some form of organ failure. All the signs of distress materialized
within two days and we put him down yesterday.
For those of you
who walk with me and Buddy along side of us, you know his enthusiastic
puppiness, the spring of his step, and his penchant for pausing to savor
multiple “environments”. And for those of you who are not dog lovers and
wondered why after twelve years we had still not been able to train him to not
carry on every time someone came to the door, the barking of greeting is over.
He and I were so intertwined that his absence is almost as clear as his
presence. Yesterday was a very sad day and today feels much the same.
Sarah spent the
day here and slept over last night. Buddy's loss has been difficult
for her as well. He was her puppy
and the greeting they gave each other every time Sarah walked in the door was
to be envied, in both directions.
Buddy was our
perfect dog AND he was Trouble with a capital “T”. He was the grand opportunist. He almost never did anything untoward when we were home, but
oh the trouble he could get into the moment we left the house. “Dog proofing” became both a science
and an art. Anything food - within reach or jump - was vulnerable. Even if we did not
notice and correct an
errant placement before we left the house, Buddy was a master of detection.
Today’s quiet,
without the clicking of Buddy’s nails, the watching out for him underfoot, and the
company of his attention is new and unwelcome. He won’t be around if and when my
symptoms abate. His enthusiastic devotion is already missed. We are so lucky to have had him in our lives for the past 11 1/2 years. Now we stumble on without him, my wonkiness a little more noticeable because of his absence, my appreciation of his spirit undiminished.
With love,
Karen